Wow, I feel like I haven’t written in so long! I just need to write. I need to let the river out! I was meditating on how much my life has changed in the past 2 months. Not much outwardly has changed yet, but inside, I am simply not the same. A friend at church told me that God said He was “catupulting” me. I realized about a week ago that that is exactly what has happened. One day I was one “place” inside, and the next day I was in a completely different place. I feel like I have been turned inside out, upside down and backwards, to say the least. But it’s the best “mess” I have ever been. I want to write about it, because I don’t want to forget where this all started. I never want to forget. It started with a song, went to a book, and then exploded with an outpouring.
The song? “He loves me” by John Mark McMillan. I first heard it when Kim Walker was singing it with the Jesus Culture conference. The words to that song have transformed my life to say the least. “He is jealous for me, His loves like a hurricane, I am a tree, bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy….I realize how beautiful You are and how great Your affections are for me….we are His portion, He is our prize, drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes…He loves me, oh how He loves me!” I feel like I saw love, grace, redemption…HIM, for the first time all over again when I heard this song. It woke up something inside of me that has long been asleep. PASSION!! Such a deep revelation of His love for me was planted so deep inside of my heart, I don’t think it could ever be uprooted!
The book? Destined to Reign by Joseph Prince. Just as much as that song was LOVE, the breath of love on my heart, this book is GRACE, the breath of grace on my heart. It is just full to the top of the Word of God, a ‘Word feast”! One amazing reminder that it’s not about me, it’s about Him, and His love for mankind, and all that HE did, all that HE gave, all that HE is. That His eye is not on my shortcomings, my lack, my “humanity” and my inability. I am the apple of His eye! His eye is on His daughter, the one that He made clean through the blood of His son. The one that He declared righteous, through redemption. The one that He whispered “restoration” over, by the Resurrection. This book reminded me that I can reap what I sow, or I can reap what GOD has sown…..His Son…the blood of Jesus….resurrection in every area of life! Not because I have great faith, not because I’m a minister, not because I read my Bible or pray so much, but because of HIS LOVE!! Reaping what God has sown….yeah….that’s called forgiveness. What a refreshing release from all of my mistakes, shortcomings and inadequacies I have experienced! How did I forget the joy of when I first believed? When I was first forgiven? I’m wearing that same quirky smile once again. 
The outpouring? The Florida Outpouring. It’s been going on for 56 days straight, every morning, every night. God pouring out His love, His healing, His forgiveness, His restoration on mankind. Lead by a man that, in appearance, goes against ALL religious expectation! (Kind of like Jesus did when He walked the earth huh?) Wears jeans, t-shirts, some times a suit coat, whatever he feels like. Has tatoos that he got AFTER he became a minister, face and ear and eyebrow piercings. I had seen him before, and heard some of his teachings. I thought he was a bit “out there”, and I’m from the “out there” crowd! That’s a good “label” if you must have one, don’t ya think? The “out there” crowd:) So many people have asked “what” denomination we are. Can’t say non-denominational, because even that carries it’s own “flavor” now. I guess my background is pentecostal/charismatic/word of faith/full gospel. I just believe the Word. Okay, where was I? Oh yeah, outpouring. I don’t care if it’s through a nun or a 5 year old child….God is touching people in a magnitude like I have never before seen or experienced. Do I believe there is something special about Todd Bentley that God will only heal and touch people through him? No. But there is something special. He just believes the Word. He believes it when it says that he can lay hands on the sick and they will recover, or can flow in the gifts of the Spirit and people will be set free, or can cast out demons that torment people and keep them bound by sickness and depression, confusion and unforgiveness.
So, what has so “captured” me about this outpouring? God’s heart for people to be free. My heart has been captivated, taken captive, captured….and I don’t ever want it back! Passion for people to know His love that SAVES them, FREES them, HEALS them, and DELIVERS them has filled me to overflowing!
But I also realize that if I hadn’t had the life changing experience and revelation of His love and His grace FIRST…I would still be where I was before….where so many still are….feeling inadequate to give or receive such a touch from Father God, and being skeptical of whether or not any of these “manifestations” are even real. Inadequacy and skepticism. He’s delivered me from them both. By His love and grace. He IS love, He IS grace. I have met LOVE, I have met GRACE. And the result…I believe TRUTH….that He delivers His people. That His love is far beyond my understanding. Far beyond.
I like to keep everything in a very nice “understanding” box when it comes to God. I always have to see a purpose in whatever I’m doing, whatever He’s doing, the direction things are moving. Well, He’s taking me beyond understanding. And I’m letting Him.
I decided this past Sunday, when I was schedule to minister, that I would open up the gates and make room for the “KING of GLORY” instead of “King preacher” or “King church service”. He came in. Wow did He come in. And people, including myself, felt the presence, the power, and the love of God in church like we’ve never felt before. I prayed for one lady who had MS…put my hand on her back and commanded a spirit of infirmity to get off of her…..and then saw it go. Can’t say that I’ve ever had that happen before. Then I stood there and cried like a baby, in front of the whole church, because if we just BELIEVE His Word…it works! And the result is people being delivered and set free! A couple of weeks ago I got a word of knowledge about sparks in lungs, no idea at all what it meant. This same lady came up, said her brother in law had been sent home to die because his lungs were so filled with cancer and there was nothing else they could do. Only months to live. I didn’t even pray. I just laid my hands on her and she started inhaling like it was her first breath of oxygen ever. God told us both that that is exactly what her brother in law was doing at that moment. 2 days later he had a full exam, and the cancer is completely gone!! THAT IS GOD’S LOVE!! I don’t even know if that man was a believer! He wasn’t even at church and doesn’t go to church! But God LOVES him!! And touched him!!
I have always stayed very far away from “strange manifestations” that some ministers are so inclined to share about that happens to them when the presence of God is so strong in a service. Including glitter and gems and such things. I just saw no purpose in it. Unless of course we can cash those gems in and pay off our debt LOL! Imagine my face when I looked down at my hands on Sunday when service was over, and saw tiny little crystal “glitter sparkles” all over them, and my arms. And the Worship Leader, and the other 3 ministers, and another leader. What on earth?? No, probably not. Maybe in heaven. Maybe people shine like diamonds up there, who knows. I know I didn’t roll myself in glitter like I used to think other people did who claimed this happened to them. I don’t understand one bit. But I guess I don’t need to anymore either. I really don’t care. I just want people saved, healed, delivered, set free. I want them to know God’s love. That’s all that matters. And if God wants to make me look goofy and eat my own words about sparkly manifestations being fake, well, I guess He’s God, He can do whatever He wants to. I’ve given Him permission. And I have a feeling I’m in for quite a ride.
But I’m not going to forget where it started…..His love….His grace….and a man who just plain believes it’s all about God and not about us.
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Oh my goodness. What an incredible blog. I linked here from Papa’s blog and I am so blessed because I did.
I must re-read as I don’t think I was able to fully take it all in.
I am praying for you:)
Love and Blessings..
Hi – We need to walk constantly looking for an encounter w/God ! He loves us! we need to be looking especially in those busy times Kelly. Love you like a daughter! Always, I mean always be looking!
I’m so thankful to read a positive blog – one that testifies to the greatness of Almighty God rather than trying to criticise and undermine others in the name of ‘protecting the flock’. Why is there such an outcry when people step out and Believe the Word and Move in it in Power rather than just using it to satisfy a desire to gain knowledge? Powerless Christianity=Religion! I choose Life – keep coming Holy Spirit.
Heather- you are welcome over here for “coffee” and chat anytime! Nice to see you here:)
Papa-I am ALWAYS looking! Encounter…yes, that’s it. I am not satisfied to simply know OF Him, I MUST have an encounter WITH Him, continually! Love you so much Papa!!
Dave- God spoke one very important thing to me in the beginning of this transformation 2 months ago. He said “Do not look at what ISN’T….look only at what IS”. It’s when we look at what we think “isn’t” we get critical. We choose to see everything we think is “missing” from our perspective…and criticize. We could even be in danger of criticizing those who criticize!! If we look constantly for and to what “is”…we will pursue that alone! I won’t be distracted by the “isn’t”!
You are welcome here anytime Dave! Thanks for stopping by!
Isn’t God awesome?! He orchestrates things exactly the way they need to happen – brings along everything in the proper order for the purpose of drawing us closer to His heart and His purposes! Even the “hard” or “bad things” we go through He weaves together beautifully for His glory if we will only “come” to Him. We can even come angry and accusing, if we want – He’ll take us in His arms and His great love will drive out the pain that feeds our anger! keep writing my friend, and let us both “never forget” the story of the beginning of our journey of Grace!
Thought I’d share something that I got a few days ago re: Fire. This outpouring is an opportunity to be judged/transformed by the Fire of His Love so that we can change more into His Likeness and take our place within a church without spot nor wrinkle. The majority of the criticism/accusations from the church against the Outpouring is the fire of the world and in time they’re likely to encounter this from the world (sowing & reaping) in the Great Tribulation/ Judgement from God. I agree with your comment on criticism – there is a danger that we become part of the “accuser of the brethren” and work against the unity that we so much want to embrace. So my encouragement is to “buy gold refined in the fire” and pursue righteousness, purity and holiness. Much love and keep burning!
Hi Dave, thanks again for your thoughts! To be honest, I haven’t paid one bit of attention to the criticism or accusations from the church or even know if there are any. It’s simply not my focus. If I understood what you wrote correctly…as far as what they encounter from the world in the Great Tribulation and Judgment from God due to sowing and reaping….since the Word says that I can reap what God sowed (Jesus and His blood…total forgivness), instead of what I sow, I would rather believe that for any Christian or church who criticizes or accuses anyone or anything. If I myself decide that they will just reap what they sow in judgment and tribulation, then I might as well also state the same of myself, as I don’t always sow what I should. We are all different parts of the body, and we all embrace different “moves” of God, and I sometimes wonder if God “keeps eyes blinded” in certain “body parts” just to see if we will all still love one another, and cover one another, or if we will attempt to “expose” one another…some saying we are wrong for believing in what is going on at the outpouring, some saying others are wrong for not believing. If we all just focus on where God is leading us to focus, and realize it is not on each others perceived faults and shortcomings, we’ll make it!! In Love!! And “they (the world)will know we are Christians by the love we have one for another”.